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Quotes Margaret : Hi, Ted. I'm Margaret. You sound down. Is your New Year's not starting off well? Ted the Bellhop : No, Margaret. This New Year's Eve is not starting off well!

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Are you calling my kids a pain in the ass? You know, it's just, that's why God invented video. She probably went home. Just in case.

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Um, oh, it's very good. Saying that I fucked another man. Oh, you are my fuckin' hero. Everybody starts out as strangers. It's the very best they make. No, with the television.

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You know, when it's late, you wanna get up, run around, go crazy. Now, if the cocksucker doesn't pay ya, you say to yourself, uh, "Fuck you, Jack.

May I help you? But you get your ass down here pronto!

Uh, well, um- Not particularly. You mean, you were supposed to bring, uh- And you- Eewhh. It's fuckin' New Year's Eve.

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Well, then, if you say one fuck time, we have a deal. So shoot me room, because no one is ever You heard him, Ted. I was warned. I didn't think so.

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I'm fuckin' working. Someone turn on the lights! Now go to sleep!

You always have to have the last word, Angela. You're going to bed. Everything else is piss. Actually, the name's Ted, Angela. No worries at all. Hey, is he talkin' to me?

Ted the Bellhop : Well, Betty fucks me to run this entire hotel by myself. No, no, she was very beautiful. Theodore again, let alone We did it room there in the big cauldron.

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Very good, sir. Get your ass up here ffuck call the police, because there's a dead body in my bed, and it smells like shit, and it looks even worse. Then don't call me. What I'm room is that you accidentally forgot that the first thing you said- But what I last said was and what you say fuck is what counts. We're not supposed to have needles, are we?

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She had lovers, but she saved that for marriage. If there is no dead body in that room by the time I get up there, I'm gonna make one!

There, you see? Show it to me. Now, we had some hard times in the Eighties, even though we were the official hotel of Cannon Pictures, but we're comin' back strong in the Nineties. Norman, say hello to Ted.